I realised that any relationship I had with Lisa would have to be more secret than even dad's work.The following day at school was hard. I found mysel... wanting to be with Lisa all the time but we had agreed that we should have little contact with each other at school to avoid any rumours spreading. I kept seeing her glance at me though as much as I did at her, and every now and then our eyes would meet and we would smile at each other if nobody was looking. We had a lot of homework that night. When Jul- when she wasbeing a bitch about that course I had to go on. Should have realisedthen, should have left her." It's okay. I was happy just to see you when I did."She snuggled closer, pinned me under a leg and an arm. "I love you. Ieven love saying it. I love you, Phil."And if I could have made that moment and that feeling last then I thinkI could have gone on living a male lie. If she had worked in an officeor a shop somewhere and I was going to see her every weekend and everyevening I. My bottom wasstill sore as I sat down in the chair. She fastened me in with the waiststrap only, not even using the one that came up in the middle. She thenput the tray in place, making sure my hands were below the tray oncemore so I could not use them.After I was secured in the chair she went out to the kitchen and cameback with a large bowl of oatmeal. She placed the oatmeal in front ofme, with that large spoon Jennifer had used the night before. Jackiethen placed the Little Princess bib back. Go anywhere you fucking want to, it doesn't matter to me any more."I got up from the table and headed for the basement."Where are you going?" To get a suitcase." Why?" Because I'm getting out of here and I'm going to need to pack some things." Please stay and talk to me honey." We have nothing to talk about." Yes we do. We need to talk about us." God damn it Nan, there is no more 'us'. We stopped being an 'us' when you hit me with that boyfriend shit. Just leave me alone."I went to the basement.
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